Let's Talk Labels

Over the past week we have been talking about the power of labels in the lives of youth as the develop and grow. I myself have really been forced to look back at the label that were placed on me by my family, peers, and elders and face them for better or for worse. It scared me. Insecurities that I have not felt in years came hurling back at me and I felt so small.  These labels weren't all bad by any means, but they all were so limiting.

For example: In school I had labeled myself as Christian. Now I will be the first to admit that I did not do a good job representing Christ to my peers in high school, but it was still a label I attempted to own.  This label in and of itself is not a bad thing, but it put certain pressures on me.  I absolutely NEEDED to be perfect.  Not only did I have to be a good student, but I had to be a perfect person and I felt that meant that everyone needed  to like me in order for me to get to the point of effectively sharing Christ with them.  Its a messed up theology, but give me a break I was little. 

Another label that was put upon me in church, at school, and even in public was "chunky" or "fat". I actually had someone within the walls of the church tell me that I was fat and needed to lose weight or I wouldn't find a husband.  YIKES!! Just imagine the impact that statement had on me.  By the way I'm now very happily married for almost 3 months and my husband loves everything about me. Even though I am not perfect (GO GOD!!)

Those are just a couple of the label that were placed on me and they, even today, can have a huge impact upon my emotions, thoughts, and desires. 

My favorite labels I've ever received were that of Daughter, Sister, Cousin, Friend, and now Wife. Now each one of these labels has a pressure that goes along with it, but they are also labels of love and acceptance.  You see these labels don't and shouldn't put the pressure on me to be perfect, but to be loving, kind, and joyful!! Be labeled as a brother, sister, mom, dad, cousin, aunt, uncle, friend, husband, wife, lover, caregiver, encourager, etc. are all meant to be blessings.  These labels scream beauty and relationship to me.  They are without boundaries in the success you can have within them. I know I will always make my father (earthly and heavenly) proud. I know my mom will love me no matter what. Even my siblings will love and tolerate me despite how crazy I can be.  I love these labels.

However, I do realize that not everyone feels the same about labels.  For some daughter can equal fear, son brings about memories of disappointment, etc. There is so much brokenness in our world today, but we are blessed by a Creator who sees us all as beloved children despite what we have done and what labels have been placed upon us.  AMAZING!!! How great it is to know the God that created everything we see will love us unconditionally. Literally unconditionally. No matter what you have done, said, or thought.  The grace of God means you are no longer a convict, you are no longer broken, you are no longer stained. You are clean, beautiful and made new!! I never grow tired of that realization.  Because I am blown away by the love, mercy, grace, kindness, patience, and joy of the Lord. 

I may not know what labels you have placed on yourself or even the labels others or society has placed on you, but I do know to me you are a brother or sister and to God you are a beloved and treasured child.  Your only label is LOVED!!

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."
John 3:16 (English Standard Version)

And you were dead in the trespasses and sins  in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—  among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us,  even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—  and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus,  so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.  For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.  For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
Ephesians 2:1-10 (English Standard Version)

Could it be ME?

Lately I have noticed an influx of articles written on what is wrong with the church or what is causing people to leave the church, but in those articles I have noticed that something is missing.  What I have noticed is a lack of responsibility on the part of not only the authors but from church goers in general.  I think the question we need to start asking is not “what is wrong with the church” or “how can we make the church better”, but really “What can I do to make the church a better place?”

Don’t get me wrong I too have a responsibility when it comes to the church, because I am a member of the body of Christ and as we find in Romans 12:4-5 you and I have a specific purpose and place in that body. 

“For as in one physical body we have many parts (organs, members) and all of these parts do not have the same function or use, So we, numerous as we are, are one body in Christ (the Messiah) and individually we are parts one of another (mutually dependent on one another).”
Romans 12:4-5 (Amplified Bible)

I love the way that this is explained in the Amplified Bible, especially the final parenthetical statement “mutually dependent on one another”.  I want you to think about what that means for a moment. To me that means we are meant to lean on, support, pray for, care for, love on, encourage, and even get after one another.  In other words I cannot fulfill my purpose in the church without you and vice versa.  Crazy right!! I had a professor compare the church to a well-oiled machine and if one of the cogs or wheels or gears is off or missing or broken the whole machine is toast.

Another verse that I think we (as the church) really need to focus on is found in Matthew 7:3-5:

“Why do you stare from without at the very small particle that is in your brother’s eye but do not become aware of and consider the beam of timber that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, Let me get the tiny particle out of your eye, when there is beam of timber in your own eye? You hypocrite, first get the beam of timber of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the tiny particle out of your brother’s eye.”
(Amplified Bible)

You can spend all day telling me what you think is wrong with the church and I could do the same, but what would we have accomplished? Honestly the only thing we have accomplished is putting a bad taste for our own church body in our mouths. I can guarantee you will not go to the next service with the same outlook as the week before and I can promise you that your attitude with not be the best either.  What if instead we had taken time to talk about what’s going on in my life and yours? What if we discovered, together, the planks in our eyes and were able to take them to the Father and begin a process of restoration and transformation in ourselves.  Then we can look at our fellow “body” members and help them do the same.  Let’s be honest you cannot just tell someone that they are doing it wrong without them feeling picked on or criticized for who they are (a whole different topic by the way). Because if we are not right within ourselves we will approach them in a way that is not only hurtful, but unloving and that would not be like Christ.  One of my favorite Jesus moments in the bible is when the Pharisees are preparing to stone the woman caught in the act of adultery and ask him to throw the first stone. Now it was obviously a trap. If Jesus threw the stone they would find a way to ridicule him and if He didn't throw the stone he would not be complicit with the law. However, instead he began to write in the sand. Now we have no idea what he wrote, but we all have our speculations. Then after they continued to ask him questions he stood and said “Let him who is without sin throw the first stone” (John 8:7).

I know you are probably wondering why on earth this is one of my favorite Jesus moments, but for me it is a reminder that I cannot consider my sin less than another’s. Whether that is someone in the church or someone who does not know the love of God, I’m no more righteous or holy than my brother or sister and I too make mistakes. But through the blood and grace of Jesus Christ I am picked up off the ground and told (over and over again) to Go and sin no more for I am not condemned. 

I guess what I am trying to say is before you point a finger at the church or even another person consider yourself.  You aren't perfect and you are in fact the church along with everyone else in the beautiful kingdom of God (including your leaders-they are human too!). So instead of placing the blame on someone else or a building open your eyes, ears, and heart to the Spirit and listen to what God has to say to you about you.  The best part about keeping your ears and heart open to the voice of God is that he is not there to condemn you, but to love, forgive, and help you grow. His words are words of grace and mercy not hell fire. 

Do this and let the change in your church begin with you, because you are the church.

New Year's Resolutions

My New Year’s Resolution

                The New Year is a time when we start anew and with some would call a clean slate and, for some, try to erase the memory of the past year. We make resolutions to “better” ourselves, our lives and relationships. We ultimately resolve to do better at whatever it is we think we failed at in the last year.  The top New Year’s resolutions that are made include bettering our lifestyles, that is living healthier and with more fervor for life.  I must admit my resolution always includes trying to lose a little weight.  I am here to propose something a little different this year.

               What if our resolutions were not to just do better than or to be better than or to even forget the mistakes and failed resolutions of last year, What if you and I resolve to capitalize off of what the last year brought.  This means taking the lessons we learned from our failures and success and actually taking them to heart so that we do not make the same mistake again or make the next success that much bigger.  I’m going to throw in a small disclaimer here:  I am not referring to success in terms of money; this is strictly a personal success whatever that is to you. For some it could be the weight you did lose, the relationships you did build or rebuild, maybe for some it is not falling back into the same bad habits that had a part in destroying those relationships or your personal view of yourself.  These are personal victories.  Maybe you had a great year, awesome, what did you learn that can make this next year even better!  What personal victories can you build off of and better yet who else can you help have their own personal victory.

               If there is one thing that I learned this past year it is that my personal victories were achieved with help.  With the support of those I loved I overcame or started to overcome many personal fears, and started to break down and even did break down some emotional walls that had built up in my heart and in my life.  But the crazy part was when they helped me they also had walls come down or fears overcome.  By pushing me and helping me they were able to be more open a vulnerable and have a few personal victories of their own…some they didn’t even know they needed to have.  So I started opening my eyes to those around me who were asking for my help and actually making time to help them and more victories were had. Some came after a tragedy and others came in the midst of another victory, but this I do know, it was not easy.   It took blood sweat and tears and a lot of the time it was not fun, but it was so worth it.

             As Christians we tend to have a multi-faceted resolution.  This includes doing better in our spiritual life; praying more, doing a better job keeping up with our devotions and daily bible readings, bring a certain number of people to Christ.  All of this along with our resolutions to lose weight or eat healthier or even just live a healthier lifestyle.  However, I’m going to issue the same challenge to those of us with the list of resolutions that is double sided.  Don’t try to push a reset button and start over.  Build off of the struggles and victories and share them.  One reason we find it so hard to have a victory is because we keep all of our struggles to ourselves.  Find someone or many someones whom you trust to help push you and hold you accountable.  These will be people who will listen to you and not judge too quickly. Someone who knows your struggle or even someone who can encourage you to not give up, we all need a cheerleader.   Also ask God to open your eyes to the people around you that you can serve.  Just as we need encouragement and sometimes the hard truth so does someone else and you may just be the one they need. This would be an example of iron sharpening iron.  And don’t close yourself off from helping someone else because you don’t have it all together.  Because if you wait till then, well let’s be honest we will never have it all together.

         How many of us try to separate our resolutions into different categories?  I know a few that do and I have as well, but what if we chose not to separate our lives into parts what if we just combined them.  So instead of trying to complete your mile long list one at a time why not pair them up?!  Don’t choose between a healthier physical lifestyle or spiritual one.  Find ways to gain wisdom and live healthy at the same time.  One thing I love to do is exercise while listening to a podcast.  I know it seems kind of weird but when I was listening to an hour long sermon or a twenty minute Joyce Meyer podcast I actually was no longer paying attention to how tired I was, but actually focused on absorbing every little bit of knowledge I could from the person talking into my ear. Oddly enough I remembered more of it after the workout and was able to write down a lot of what I had learned in my journal.  What I’m trying to say here is please don’t pick and choose which part of you to better.

This is my resolution:

I resolve to not forget my struggles

For through them I will gain

A victory

I resolve to let my victories

Be the starting point

To overcome

My failures

I resolve to open my heart,

Ears and thoughts to

The leading of the spirit

So that I may serve

As I am being

Served

I resolve to not go it alone

To be vulnerable

With someone

I love so

That I might overcome

Even more of my

Fear and my

Struggles

I resolve not to start over

But to finish what

Has begun

In me

I resolve not to attempt to

Control my life in a

Negative way

But

To let the Lord take control

Of molding me and

Teaching me

To be the

Best

Me

I do however resolve to

Take responsibility

For the parts

Of my life

That I can

Change

And

Live

Well

The Obsession

How many times do we look in the mirror a day? And not just ladies, men too.  How long do you spend in front of your closet or getting ready because you don't like what you tried on or it just doesn't "look good" on you today? Seriously, think about it.  There is an obsession with ourselves that just takes us over. It's not a good obsession either.  The problem I face and that yes I believe you face too, is an over obsession with what is our outer self. 

The outer self is the body. We obsess about what shape our body is; pear, apple, gourd, stick...macho...etc. We obsess over what we put on it; Armani, Coach, American Eagle, H&M. The style it portrays us as: Punk, Hipster, Prep, Goth. Girls obsess over how to make it appear less flawed: cellulite, big pores, zits, dark spots, plastic surgery.  Both sexes can obsess over hair: Up, down, curly, straight, pixie, long, blonde, brown, red, purple, green, blue, gelled, crimped, or frizzy.  Just think about in general how much time you spend on yourself in the morning.  I know some girls who will get up hours before they need to just to "fix" their apparent "flaws". 

I go to a school where most girls spend at least an hour getting ready and that does not include getting in the shower and when they walk into class at 7:45 they look like they have been up for hours (which they may have been). Me if it's 7:45 class I get out of bed at 7:15 (or at least attempt), brush my teeth, throw my hair in a bun or a braid, and grab some breakfast on the go.  Now after my morning classes are over I do try to spend about 20-30min preparing for the rest of my day, more like an hour if its date night.  All this to say that there seems to be some kind of statement made when you get up to spend time on yourself and I have heard many reasons: 1. Well my body is God's Temple I should put time into myself. 2. If you dress up for the day I will be more successful (you know best dressed aced the test). 3. I just enjoy looking put together. 4. I need to look this way (in other words I'm expected to look this way).  All of these seem to be good reasons, however, this idea of being outwardly beautiful in all aspects has been pounded into our heads basically since the day that we were born. So I discovered that my reasons for getting dressed up just a little for the day were as follows. 1. I was going to work 2. That night was date night and I wanted to look nice for my man. 3. I just felt like it. 4. I had dressed in sweat/yoga pants and tee/sweatshirt most of the week and well people were starting to mention it. 

BINGO! Reason number 4 is the epitome of why I feel the need to dress up most of the times.  I should look nice and professional when going to work that is expected of ALL who enter the work field.  Date night is a big and well I don't want to ever feel like I should stop dressing up for him.  And sometimes yes I have the time and just the desire to look a little nicer than normal. But mostly I get tired of everyone looking at me like I'm some kind of freak for not wearing a pair of buckle jeans and a fancy top every single day.  I feel judged and in that I become self conscious and all my insecurities that I had as a teen flood back into my brain.  I know you all know what I mean by the insecurities we gain in high school.  But what bugs me the most about this obsession is that we, even as Christians, tend to care more about our outward self than our inner self. 

We wake up a little later than planned and skip our morning devotions and justify it by saying I'll do it this afternoon (and we all know sometimes that attitude does mean it won't happen that day at all). Or we forget to send up a quick prayer for our day and for those we love.  This isn't just something that I have observed. It's been me.  I have been so obsessed with this idea of outward beauty and the attention that I got from wearing the nice clothes and having my makeup done, but I sacrificed more of my daily growth in relationship with Christ and my character development than in the end I was willing to sacrifice.  Now I'm not saying that this is everyone.  You could be very well dressed and still have a great relationship with the Lord and props to you, but quit looking your nose down at the person wearing sweats and a band tee to class in the morning. You can dress for success all you want but don't let your attitude become one of superiority. I have seen this happen many times and have been hurt by people that I thought truly cared for me because they commented on the fact that I could dress better. To the girl who calls her body a temple and so she should decorate it as David did; you can make the outside of your temple as ornate and colorful as you want, but God doesn't care so much about what you use to decorate the temple. He care much more about what goes on inside the temple: your thoughts, actions, the state of your heart. 1 Samuel 16:7 says "But the Lord said to Samuel, 'Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.'” Now in this case God was speaking about King Saul. You see his heart had become hardened and bitter towards God and he was no longer living a life that reflected where his kingship came from.  So God took it away.  Saul was afraid of losing his thrown to a mere shepherd boy and he allowed his heart to become angry at David he became so angry he tried to kill him more than once. And when Saul was presented as king the bible mentions that Saul was a handsome man, but as we later see his character and his heart were not so good looking. So look inside yourself are you letting your outward appearance dictate your life and your attitude and maybe ever your relationship with God and others?

Beauty is something that we all deal with and have insecurities about, and the crazy part is that I realized that its not just teens and young adults. This is an issues that breaches any generational gap.  You see I have been called to change the culture of our world.  I don't know if I will be alive to see the outcome of the movement God puts in motion through me, but I do know that something has got to change.  This is my passion. Showing the world that beauty is not makeup caked onto a girls face or having a waist that if you turned side ways you seem to disappear. No beauty is your character. Beauty is love, grace, passion, kindness, loyalty, the attitude you take towards daily life, the way you allow circumstance to shape and effect you. Beauty is found in character and that beauty outshines a girl who looks like a supermodel with a bad attitude any day. So my challenge to you: Quit looking at people as what you see on the outside. I dare you to look into the eyes of someone who you may not think is outwardly very pretty or handsome and discover what you will find in their heart.

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." 1 Peter 3:3-4

Searching the Soul: Dealing with Anxiety

How often do you find yourself worrying about they very same thing over and over again? How often have you found that you had already dealt with said worry, but for some reason it has resurfaced?  Ever wonder why? I know I have.

Hopefully we can discover that answer together.

If there is one thing I have learned about my anxiety its this:
                     1) My anxiety is seeded in the fact that I have no control over the situation
                                                                        or
                     2) My lack of trust in people and at times God.

I have a hard time letting go.  Now I tend to have a general trust in people; that they will do the right thing or that their intentions are good. But when it comes to dealing with struggles, hurts, finances, etc. I find it much harder to trust that anyone could do it. Basically, if I don't do it there is no way it will turn out right.

What a way to live right?!?!

Actually, it's rather exhausting.

You see as humans we were never meant to carry all of our "issues" by ourselves.

1 Peter 5:7 says "Cast all your anxiety (or cares) on him because he cares for you."

                                                        and

Galatians 6:2 says "Carry each others burdens, and in this way you fulfill the law of Christ."
 * now this does not mean we are not meant to carry our own load, we cannot pass off our cares and burdens and hurts, no they will always be there. However, we are to share in community with our brothers and sisters so that they may intercede for us.  We must remain accountable to those around us.

We were never meant to do life alone. That in itself was made apparent when God created Eve for Adam.

However, if you are anything like me, you tend to forget you are not alone.  Oh trust me, in my heart I know I have people around me who love me and would do anything for me and a God who never leaves nor forsakes me.  But something in my head trumps what my heart knows in these times. This is when I become anxious and worry more than I need to.  Yes, there is what I like to call healthy worry.  For if we never had a care or worry in the world, how can we exercise trust?

So how do we deal with worry? How do you turn off the worry switch and begin to trust and rely on God?

Well to be honest you cannot turn off the worry, but you can lessen the power in hold over your emotions. (and please don't even try to tell me worry does not take hold of your emotions because it does!!)

If you are worried here are a few things to try:
1) Pray about it.  Let God know what's on your mind, trust me he is probably the best listener I've ever met! Plus he is the only one who can truly do anything about it.
2) Share your fears, troubles, anxiety, hurts, etc. with a mentor or a close friend who can keep you accountable. So when you have the same worry again they can remind you of what the Lord has already done for you!! (I'm lucky enough to have a boyfriend who reminds me daily how the Lord takes care of it better than I can, especially if I'm just going to sit there and worry about it)
3) Grab your Bible and a notebook.  Write down what it is that seems to be plaguing your mind then begin to search the Word for a word of encouragement, I bet you may even find an answer in there!! Be sure to write down the verse and maybe even thing about committing it to memory!! Who knows when that one verse will be handy.

There you have it. Now I cannot say I remember to do these things whenever I am anxious about really anything so I'm kinda preaching to the choir here, but I'm hoping that sharing it with you will be a continuous reminder to me!!

Blessings,

Ashley S Helgeson

Am I Good Enough?

This question has plagued me for years and has caused me to work hard for a position I could never achieve. At least not on my own.  This blog with hopefully help not only me work through this question, and other like it, but hopefully others as well.  

I grew up believing that as long as I could reach the expectations laid out for me as the eldest child, a student, a Christian, and even just a person, I would be happy and feel complete. However, I learned that those expectations weren't always realistic and in the end I was tired, hurting, and really at the end of my rope.  Being at the end of the rope really caused me to look at myself in a different light, and not always a good one.  You see I began to ask questions like: Am I enough? Am I ever going to be truly happy? Does anyone care that I'm hurting? Can anyone see me for me? Oh I had all the head knowledge that I had gained as a Christian. Oh I knew that God saw my hurts and my needs, but I couldn't figure out why I felt as though I was invisible to Him....to everyone for that matter.  

I haven't had the easiest life, but I can tell you its been way easier than a lot of other people's.  But my struggles and my hurts and the victories are what have defined me. They have caused me to begin searching myself, to break down walls, and begin to see life again, but that soul searching has also led me on a quest throughout the Word of God in order to answer those questions and hide that answer in my heart and hopefully help someone else find the answer

So Am I Enough? Better yet, Am I Good Enough?

The answer I found in short was no. I am not.  Not alone.  I am limited.  I am human. And thus imperfect.  

Have you ever felt like no matter what you do it's not enough? Yea me too. Even with the answer to the question I still try so hard to do all that I can to BE enough.  

Philippians 4: 13 says: "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." 

In science we learn that there are some reactions in chemicals or in experiments that need a push or a helping hand to achieve the end chemical equation or the looked for result.  This push is also known as a catalyst.  Well in this case we are the unfinished equation and the catalyst we need is Christ. We cannot be the finished element without Him.  Now is the finished element perfect, yes because Christ is perfect. So does that make me perfect? Absolutely not. I wouldn't be anywhere near perfection without the catalyst, without Christ.  

So was the first chemical (me) enough? Actually it was just enough so that the catalyst could work. I know this may seem kind of contradictory, but bear with me.  You see the chemical itself was not enough to do the job that needed to be done. It was incomplete and thus not good enough.  However, the reaction could not be complete if the chemical the catalyst mixed with was not enough concentrate or too much.  So you had to have enough of the chemical and the catalyst for the reaction to become the equation.  

What I learned through all of this was summed up in another bible verse: Ephesians 2:8 "For it is by grace you have been saved through faith- and this not from yourself it is the gift of God."  

I, myself could never achieve the goal of being good enough for anything on my own.  Only with the help of my perfect catalyst Jesus Christ could I ever been good enough or even close to good enough.  And yet in my imperfection I was chosen to become enough to do the job set before me.  But I'm not alone and I can't do it by myself, but I sure can do my very best with what I have been given and I have been given the very best. I've been given the love, joy, hope, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control to do every task because of my faith in my catalyst Jesus Christ. 

So am I enough? No, not alone. But I'm just enough for the Lord to do his work in and through me.  No matter where I am or what I've done or even been through. I'm just enough so that my catalyst can push me through to being perfect. It's not a fast process either. This catalyst takes its time and refines the chemicals to make it perfect.