New Year's Resolutions

My New Year’s Resolution

                The New Year is a time when we start anew and with some would call a clean slate and, for some, try to erase the memory of the past year. We make resolutions to “better” ourselves, our lives and relationships. We ultimately resolve to do better at whatever it is we think we failed at in the last year.  The top New Year’s resolutions that are made include bettering our lifestyles, that is living healthier and with more fervor for life.  I must admit my resolution always includes trying to lose a little weight.  I am here to propose something a little different this year.

               What if our resolutions were not to just do better than or to be better than or to even forget the mistakes and failed resolutions of last year, What if you and I resolve to capitalize off of what the last year brought.  This means taking the lessons we learned from our failures and success and actually taking them to heart so that we do not make the same mistake again or make the next success that much bigger.  I’m going to throw in a small disclaimer here:  I am not referring to success in terms of money; this is strictly a personal success whatever that is to you. For some it could be the weight you did lose, the relationships you did build or rebuild, maybe for some it is not falling back into the same bad habits that had a part in destroying those relationships or your personal view of yourself.  These are personal victories.  Maybe you had a great year, awesome, what did you learn that can make this next year even better!  What personal victories can you build off of and better yet who else can you help have their own personal victory.

               If there is one thing that I learned this past year it is that my personal victories were achieved with help.  With the support of those I loved I overcame or started to overcome many personal fears, and started to break down and even did break down some emotional walls that had built up in my heart and in my life.  But the crazy part was when they helped me they also had walls come down or fears overcome.  By pushing me and helping me they were able to be more open a vulnerable and have a few personal victories of their own…some they didn’t even know they needed to have.  So I started opening my eyes to those around me who were asking for my help and actually making time to help them and more victories were had. Some came after a tragedy and others came in the midst of another victory, but this I do know, it was not easy.   It took blood sweat and tears and a lot of the time it was not fun, but it was so worth it.

             As Christians we tend to have a multi-faceted resolution.  This includes doing better in our spiritual life; praying more, doing a better job keeping up with our devotions and daily bible readings, bring a certain number of people to Christ.  All of this along with our resolutions to lose weight or eat healthier or even just live a healthier lifestyle.  However, I’m going to issue the same challenge to those of us with the list of resolutions that is double sided.  Don’t try to push a reset button and start over.  Build off of the struggles and victories and share them.  One reason we find it so hard to have a victory is because we keep all of our struggles to ourselves.  Find someone or many someones whom you trust to help push you and hold you accountable.  These will be people who will listen to you and not judge too quickly. Someone who knows your struggle or even someone who can encourage you to not give up, we all need a cheerleader.   Also ask God to open your eyes to the people around you that you can serve.  Just as we need encouragement and sometimes the hard truth so does someone else and you may just be the one they need. This would be an example of iron sharpening iron.  And don’t close yourself off from helping someone else because you don’t have it all together.  Because if you wait till then, well let’s be honest we will never have it all together.

         How many of us try to separate our resolutions into different categories?  I know a few that do and I have as well, but what if we chose not to separate our lives into parts what if we just combined them.  So instead of trying to complete your mile long list one at a time why not pair them up?!  Don’t choose between a healthier physical lifestyle or spiritual one.  Find ways to gain wisdom and live healthy at the same time.  One thing I love to do is exercise while listening to a podcast.  I know it seems kind of weird but when I was listening to an hour long sermon or a twenty minute Joyce Meyer podcast I actually was no longer paying attention to how tired I was, but actually focused on absorbing every little bit of knowledge I could from the person talking into my ear. Oddly enough I remembered more of it after the workout and was able to write down a lot of what I had learned in my journal.  What I’m trying to say here is please don’t pick and choose which part of you to better.

This is my resolution:

I resolve to not forget my struggles

For through them I will gain

A victory

I resolve to let my victories

Be the starting point

To overcome

My failures

I resolve to open my heart,

Ears and thoughts to

The leading of the spirit

So that I may serve

As I am being

Served

I resolve to not go it alone

To be vulnerable

With someone

I love so

That I might overcome

Even more of my

Fear and my

Struggles

I resolve not to start over

But to finish what

Has begun

In me

I resolve not to attempt to

Control my life in a

Negative way

But

To let the Lord take control

Of molding me and

Teaching me

To be the

Best

Me

I do however resolve to

Take responsibility

For the parts

Of my life

That I can

Change

And

Live

Well

The Obsession

How many times do we look in the mirror a day? And not just ladies, men too.  How long do you spend in front of your closet or getting ready because you don't like what you tried on or it just doesn't "look good" on you today? Seriously, think about it.  There is an obsession with ourselves that just takes us over. It's not a good obsession either.  The problem I face and that yes I believe you face too, is an over obsession with what is our outer self. 

The outer self is the body. We obsess about what shape our body is; pear, apple, gourd, stick...macho...etc. We obsess over what we put on it; Armani, Coach, American Eagle, H&M. The style it portrays us as: Punk, Hipster, Prep, Goth. Girls obsess over how to make it appear less flawed: cellulite, big pores, zits, dark spots, plastic surgery.  Both sexes can obsess over hair: Up, down, curly, straight, pixie, long, blonde, brown, red, purple, green, blue, gelled, crimped, or frizzy.  Just think about in general how much time you spend on yourself in the morning.  I know some girls who will get up hours before they need to just to "fix" their apparent "flaws". 

I go to a school where most girls spend at least an hour getting ready and that does not include getting in the shower and when they walk into class at 7:45 they look like they have been up for hours (which they may have been). Me if it's 7:45 class I get out of bed at 7:15 (or at least attempt), brush my teeth, throw my hair in a bun or a braid, and grab some breakfast on the go.  Now after my morning classes are over I do try to spend about 20-30min preparing for the rest of my day, more like an hour if its date night.  All this to say that there seems to be some kind of statement made when you get up to spend time on yourself and I have heard many reasons: 1. Well my body is God's Temple I should put time into myself. 2. If you dress up for the day I will be more successful (you know best dressed aced the test). 3. I just enjoy looking put together. 4. I need to look this way (in other words I'm expected to look this way).  All of these seem to be good reasons, however, this idea of being outwardly beautiful in all aspects has been pounded into our heads basically since the day that we were born. So I discovered that my reasons for getting dressed up just a little for the day were as follows. 1. I was going to work 2. That night was date night and I wanted to look nice for my man. 3. I just felt like it. 4. I had dressed in sweat/yoga pants and tee/sweatshirt most of the week and well people were starting to mention it. 

BINGO! Reason number 4 is the epitome of why I feel the need to dress up most of the times.  I should look nice and professional when going to work that is expected of ALL who enter the work field.  Date night is a big and well I don't want to ever feel like I should stop dressing up for him.  And sometimes yes I have the time and just the desire to look a little nicer than normal. But mostly I get tired of everyone looking at me like I'm some kind of freak for not wearing a pair of buckle jeans and a fancy top every single day.  I feel judged and in that I become self conscious and all my insecurities that I had as a teen flood back into my brain.  I know you all know what I mean by the insecurities we gain in high school.  But what bugs me the most about this obsession is that we, even as Christians, tend to care more about our outward self than our inner self. 

We wake up a little later than planned and skip our morning devotions and justify it by saying I'll do it this afternoon (and we all know sometimes that attitude does mean it won't happen that day at all). Or we forget to send up a quick prayer for our day and for those we love.  This isn't just something that I have observed. It's been me.  I have been so obsessed with this idea of outward beauty and the attention that I got from wearing the nice clothes and having my makeup done, but I sacrificed more of my daily growth in relationship with Christ and my character development than in the end I was willing to sacrifice.  Now I'm not saying that this is everyone.  You could be very well dressed and still have a great relationship with the Lord and props to you, but quit looking your nose down at the person wearing sweats and a band tee to class in the morning. You can dress for success all you want but don't let your attitude become one of superiority. I have seen this happen many times and have been hurt by people that I thought truly cared for me because they commented on the fact that I could dress better. To the girl who calls her body a temple and so she should decorate it as David did; you can make the outside of your temple as ornate and colorful as you want, but God doesn't care so much about what you use to decorate the temple. He care much more about what goes on inside the temple: your thoughts, actions, the state of your heart. 1 Samuel 16:7 says "But the Lord said to Samuel, 'Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.'” Now in this case God was speaking about King Saul. You see his heart had become hardened and bitter towards God and he was no longer living a life that reflected where his kingship came from.  So God took it away.  Saul was afraid of losing his thrown to a mere shepherd boy and he allowed his heart to become angry at David he became so angry he tried to kill him more than once. And when Saul was presented as king the bible mentions that Saul was a handsome man, but as we later see his character and his heart were not so good looking. So look inside yourself are you letting your outward appearance dictate your life and your attitude and maybe ever your relationship with God and others?

Beauty is something that we all deal with and have insecurities about, and the crazy part is that I realized that its not just teens and young adults. This is an issues that breaches any generational gap.  You see I have been called to change the culture of our world.  I don't know if I will be alive to see the outcome of the movement God puts in motion through me, but I do know that something has got to change.  This is my passion. Showing the world that beauty is not makeup caked onto a girls face or having a waist that if you turned side ways you seem to disappear. No beauty is your character. Beauty is love, grace, passion, kindness, loyalty, the attitude you take towards daily life, the way you allow circumstance to shape and effect you. Beauty is found in character and that beauty outshines a girl who looks like a supermodel with a bad attitude any day. So my challenge to you: Quit looking at people as what you see on the outside. I dare you to look into the eyes of someone who you may not think is outwardly very pretty or handsome and discover what you will find in their heart.

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." 1 Peter 3:3-4

Searching the Soul: Dealing with Anxiety

How often do you find yourself worrying about they very same thing over and over again? How often have you found that you had already dealt with said worry, but for some reason it has resurfaced?  Ever wonder why? I know I have.

Hopefully we can discover that answer together.

If there is one thing I have learned about my anxiety its this:
                     1) My anxiety is seeded in the fact that I have no control over the situation
                                                                        or
                     2) My lack of trust in people and at times God.

I have a hard time letting go.  Now I tend to have a general trust in people; that they will do the right thing or that their intentions are good. But when it comes to dealing with struggles, hurts, finances, etc. I find it much harder to trust that anyone could do it. Basically, if I don't do it there is no way it will turn out right.

What a way to live right?!?!

Actually, it's rather exhausting.

You see as humans we were never meant to carry all of our "issues" by ourselves.

1 Peter 5:7 says "Cast all your anxiety (or cares) on him because he cares for you."

                                                        and

Galatians 6:2 says "Carry each others burdens, and in this way you fulfill the law of Christ."
 * now this does not mean we are not meant to carry our own load, we cannot pass off our cares and burdens and hurts, no they will always be there. However, we are to share in community with our brothers and sisters so that they may intercede for us.  We must remain accountable to those around us.

We were never meant to do life alone. That in itself was made apparent when God created Eve for Adam.

However, if you are anything like me, you tend to forget you are not alone.  Oh trust me, in my heart I know I have people around me who love me and would do anything for me and a God who never leaves nor forsakes me.  But something in my head trumps what my heart knows in these times. This is when I become anxious and worry more than I need to.  Yes, there is what I like to call healthy worry.  For if we never had a care or worry in the world, how can we exercise trust?

So how do we deal with worry? How do you turn off the worry switch and begin to trust and rely on God?

Well to be honest you cannot turn off the worry, but you can lessen the power in hold over your emotions. (and please don't even try to tell me worry does not take hold of your emotions because it does!!)

If you are worried here are a few things to try:
1) Pray about it.  Let God know what's on your mind, trust me he is probably the best listener I've ever met! Plus he is the only one who can truly do anything about it.
2) Share your fears, troubles, anxiety, hurts, etc. with a mentor or a close friend who can keep you accountable. So when you have the same worry again they can remind you of what the Lord has already done for you!! (I'm lucky enough to have a boyfriend who reminds me daily how the Lord takes care of it better than I can, especially if I'm just going to sit there and worry about it)
3) Grab your Bible and a notebook.  Write down what it is that seems to be plaguing your mind then begin to search the Word for a word of encouragement, I bet you may even find an answer in there!! Be sure to write down the verse and maybe even thing about committing it to memory!! Who knows when that one verse will be handy.

There you have it. Now I cannot say I remember to do these things whenever I am anxious about really anything so I'm kinda preaching to the choir here, but I'm hoping that sharing it with you will be a continuous reminder to me!!

Blessings,

Ashley S Helgeson

Am I Good Enough?

This question has plagued me for years and has caused me to work hard for a position I could never achieve. At least not on my own.  This blog with hopefully help not only me work through this question, and other like it, but hopefully others as well.  

I grew up believing that as long as I could reach the expectations laid out for me as the eldest child, a student, a Christian, and even just a person, I would be happy and feel complete. However, I learned that those expectations weren't always realistic and in the end I was tired, hurting, and really at the end of my rope.  Being at the end of the rope really caused me to look at myself in a different light, and not always a good one.  You see I began to ask questions like: Am I enough? Am I ever going to be truly happy? Does anyone care that I'm hurting? Can anyone see me for me? Oh I had all the head knowledge that I had gained as a Christian. Oh I knew that God saw my hurts and my needs, but I couldn't figure out why I felt as though I was invisible to Him....to everyone for that matter.  

I haven't had the easiest life, but I can tell you its been way easier than a lot of other people's.  But my struggles and my hurts and the victories are what have defined me. They have caused me to begin searching myself, to break down walls, and begin to see life again, but that soul searching has also led me on a quest throughout the Word of God in order to answer those questions and hide that answer in my heart and hopefully help someone else find the answer

So Am I Enough? Better yet, Am I Good Enough?

The answer I found in short was no. I am not.  Not alone.  I am limited.  I am human. And thus imperfect.  

Have you ever felt like no matter what you do it's not enough? Yea me too. Even with the answer to the question I still try so hard to do all that I can to BE enough.  

Philippians 4: 13 says: "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." 

In science we learn that there are some reactions in chemicals or in experiments that need a push or a helping hand to achieve the end chemical equation or the looked for result.  This push is also known as a catalyst.  Well in this case we are the unfinished equation and the catalyst we need is Christ. We cannot be the finished element without Him.  Now is the finished element perfect, yes because Christ is perfect. So does that make me perfect? Absolutely not. I wouldn't be anywhere near perfection without the catalyst, without Christ.  

So was the first chemical (me) enough? Actually it was just enough so that the catalyst could work. I know this may seem kind of contradictory, but bear with me.  You see the chemical itself was not enough to do the job that needed to be done. It was incomplete and thus not good enough.  However, the reaction could not be complete if the chemical the catalyst mixed with was not enough concentrate or too much.  So you had to have enough of the chemical and the catalyst for the reaction to become the equation.  

What I learned through all of this was summed up in another bible verse: Ephesians 2:8 "For it is by grace you have been saved through faith- and this not from yourself it is the gift of God."  

I, myself could never achieve the goal of being good enough for anything on my own.  Only with the help of my perfect catalyst Jesus Christ could I ever been good enough or even close to good enough.  And yet in my imperfection I was chosen to become enough to do the job set before me.  But I'm not alone and I can't do it by myself, but I sure can do my very best with what I have been given and I have been given the very best. I've been given the love, joy, hope, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control to do every task because of my faith in my catalyst Jesus Christ. 

So am I enough? No, not alone. But I'm just enough for the Lord to do his work in and through me.  No matter where I am or what I've done or even been through. I'm just enough so that my catalyst can push me through to being perfect. It's not a fast process either. This catalyst takes its time and refines the chemicals to make it perfect.